Dear Customers, I am not your biotch...

Amber messaged me this morning and said, where’s your snarky gmail status?

I responded, just wait.

It took until 10:30, which might be a new record.

Our office was reorganized about 10 months ago, and it was decided that our number one priority was customer service – customers being department administrators, professors, and sponsors. The world of contracts and grants administration is pretty convoluted, so even the veteran researchers have questions at times regarding agreements, forms that have to be filled out, etc.

I understand that. But if you would read my carefully crafted email, you would see that I’ve already anticipated all of your needs, concerns, and questions, and made you feel like the most important customer in the world. If only you would read it.

So often , I get responses back that essentially tell me that I’m stupid. I already sent you that, why do you need to know this, the University doesn’t care about this detail. Thank you so much, I write back with teeth clenched into a forced grin (employee handbook page 425), I so appreciate you sending me these documents. Please note below that I actually asked you a completely different question, and it is the law, and has been for some time, that you need to fill out this very complicated form that consists of six whole check boxes.

Sometimes I get a sheepish email response. Oh. And begrudgingly they answer my question, or say they’ll send the form. They never apologize for not reading my email, or admit that it was there fault. The most I get is, I’m sorry for the confusion.

But you see, my friend, there was no confusion. You’re simply a dumbass.

Thank goodness for my fifteen minute break to share this with you all. Please comment with kindness.